New Perspective

Winning isn't always a victory, and losing isn't always a defeat.

...just some words of wisdom to remember. A new perspective to see.
(learned from the old T.V. show "Doogie Howser, M.D.")

Sometimes....

Lately I have been so frustrated. I can't seem to tell if it's just me being overly sensitive for some reason or if what I see and feel is actually legit. Especially with friends. I feel like I'm being left out with everyone and that I don't belong anywhere... I have someone I can talk to for the most part, but no one I can REALLY REALLY honestly TALK to about things like I used to.

I just don't know what to do. I want things to go back to normal... whatever 'normal' is.

Star of Bethlehem

http://bethlehemstar.net/

I haven't actually had the time to look at the site yet, but I watched a video thing about the guy who put it together at youth group last night and it was amazing. So I thought I'd put up the site address.

God is truly amazing.

Abortion.

http://www.jesus-is-savior.com/Evils%20in%20America/Abortion%20is%20Murder/horror_of_abortion.htm

Lately, abortion has been no my mind a lot. Set off by the status update of one of my friends. It is such a sad thing to me. For some reason, abortion just really gets to me. Which is good, I guess. Above is a link to a website about abortion... As a warning, it contains some graphic details and pictures.

It's very touching, but might be hard to view. It was for me, that's for sure. By the end of the site, I was bawling like, well, a baby. I think it was good to read though and I would encourage others to read it as well; especially people who might be pro-choice.

Anyway. Just thought I"d put the link up, it's a good one.

*Pro-Life Forever*

Social Experiments

So, I have some pretty out-there ideas.

I like to observe. People, mostly. I love people-watching: I find it so interesting to see what people do, basically; and think about why they do what they do. Maybe it's the psychologist in me coming out.

I also have a lot of random ideas. I really would love to fake a teenage pregnancy. Not for the attention, that's not it at all. I want to do it to see what people who have this happen to them go through, to see how people will react. Especially since I go to a Christian school. I would find it fascinating... I don't think I could do it though for fear of the wrath of my classmates. Once I'm done, I don't want them to think I did it for the attention. I don't think many, if any, of the students would understand why I'd want to do it.

Tonight I was also thinking about sitting at a bus stop. Not just that, but let's keep moving for a little while. Awhile ago during class we were reading a story for devos. It was about a woman who handed cards to others, proclaiming Jesus. I would love to do something similar. I would love to just sit at a bus stop in the cities and wait for people to come along. Strike up a conversation, hand them a card. See where God takes it from there. Who knows if this dream will ever come true either... But hey, a girl can fantasize.

Fight or Flight

Most people have heard of the fight or flight response in animals. or people. Now, when I'm scared by something I usually freeze. That whole deer-in-the-headlights thing. Let me clarify: when I said scare, I meant by something physical. Such as a person jumping out of nowhere wearing a gorilla suit and yelling or something.

But I think maybe I have the same response with other things that scare me. When I get stressed out... I sort of freeze up as well. I freak, often hyperventilate, and get all flustered and such. Now, it's like the deer is also crying in those headlights. Which really helps nothing... those tears aren't going to get that car to stop any quicker. Maybe it'll even make them come closer to see if that deer they see is actually crying (thoughts might be: "whoa, can deer cry?!?!). And freaking out like that doesn't help my problems at all. Still, that's how my body seems to deal with things. I hate it, but can't seem to overcome it. I've even had one of these breakdowns during class, which was terrible. People were staring: I hate when people stare at me. Which made me start to get even more freaked out.

So, here I find myself. In my room at 10 a.m. on a tuesday. A school day. A day I should be at school, learning and such. Instead, I'm laying in bed blogging. Why? Because I freaked. Over little things, like a B in PE and not getting anything at sports awards night. And bigger things, like that boy who I'll never see again. Which is actually also a little thing.

So here's to the deer. I can totally relate: I'm not one of those people who complain saying "why can't those dang deer just run out of my way?!" because I know how it is to freeze. I'm sure the deer like it even less than the drivers... I know that I hate it.

Single-enity Serenity

So I was adding flair on facebook (which seems to be about the only thing I do on there nowadays... haha) when one happened to catch my eye...

So, I'm single. With no intentions of looking for a guy...

this time, I'm letting him find me.

For a few months now, I've been craving being in a relationship. I've wanted to date someone so badly... wanted someone to love me. It hasn't helped that it seems like everywhere I go I see couples walking together, holding hands and being all happy and cutesy together. Seeing it just makes me want it all the more. To add to this, my best friend is dating this guy that she had the hugest crush on for like all of the school year (I hope you don't mind me saying this, best friend. haha). I see them together all the time, just like I see the couples that I people-watch, and it yeilds the same results. Plus, I hear all the stories of what they did, and hear about the dates they go on. She tells me all the ups and downs... and I just want it.

But then I saw this flair. I'm single, as I have been my entire life (yes, I'm one of the few who have entered high school without having had dated a single soul). I'm also not used to not liking someone... I've only liked two guys my entire life, but I liked one the majority of my years and the other for most of the rest of them. So, I've spent this time trying to find some new guy to crush on (maybe even date? fingers were crossed and prayers said many a night). All that it's resulted in is frustration over not being able to find anyone.

Then this flair got me thinking (I bet the person who created it had no clue something like this would happen because of it) and I finally came to a decision. I want this to be true for me. I am sick of always mentally studying guys and searching for one who fits all my guidelines and that is possibility for crush material... I want to just sit back, wait, and enjoy the time I have to be single like I've heard you're supposed to do. I want a guy to come to me, in God's timing.