Wake Up!

Sometimes a good wake-up call is really necessary. Friends are the best way to get those wake-up calls...

I tend to get really panicked over things. Little or big, it doesn't much matter-- I can get equally upset over either. And then I can only see one thing: all the bad things. I am pretty much incapable of seeing anything good. Or I see the good things, but they don't fully process as my mind pushes them away to be replaced with every bad thing that could be imagined. Not my best trait...

So a good slap in the face is necessary on occasion. It's too bad they can't be physical slaps, as that might make more of an impact... But word-slaps can do a good score for me.

So I recently had an encounter where a "word-slap" came into play. Thank you Lord, for giving me a friend who is not afraid to stand up to me and tell me I'm being an ungrateful bitch. (Or just ungrateful...)

So, I am awakened and am ready to crawl out of the hole of self-pity I've been wallowing in. It's time to thank God for amazing opportunities and trust him with the rest!

Obsessed?

Okay... Sooo... I think I have this problem.

I think I have this obsession.

With smelling good.

No joke... I'm like obsessed. I just realized it. I have about 10 deodorants, over 15 perfumes, about 10 lotions, etc. And I use them; a lot. When I'm home, I put deodorant on like five times a day and randomly spray myself with perfume or body splash and put on lotion. And I'm like religious with bathing... And I wash myself like three times, with nice-smelling soaps...

So.... I'm not sure what's going on with this, but I think I'm nearing the point where you could say I'm obsessed or that I have a problem. Or maybe I'm already at that point...

I'm very curious as to why I have this need to smell good. I wonder if there is a reason... Like if something in my past is making me do it... Or like some weird thing in my brain. Hm... Or maybe I just like smelling nice? Who knows. Oh well...

Hopefully I don't smell overwhelming. That'd be bad... But people don't plug their noses around me, so I don't think I'm there yet! Maybe one day... Hopefully not.

But if the obsession continues.... Maybe I'll end up like that guy in England who died because he wanted to smell nice and put on too much deodorant in a poorly-ventilated room! Let's hope not...

aw :)

People who say the sweetest things right when you need to hear them and unexpectedly.... They are the best.

Last night I had an encounter with one of these people and it totally made my day! Some people are so full of surprises. I love it :)

So... Last night was a good night. And a good day. Gotta love best friends :)

...and the irony of it all is that the person who wants the most to be loved and have friends ends up alone.

Gone With the Wind

Gone With the Wind: probably my new favorite book.

Margaret Mitchell is a phenomenal author! At least, she crafted this particular book amazingly.

Each of the 900-some pages held charm and magic... All the characters seemed so real! They were all so well-developed and held such realistic qualities... They all had flaws their flaws. Except, seemingly, for Melanie. Oh wonderful Melanie... How amazing she was! She is my new hero. I wish I could be more like her... But I've already blogged about that.

The thing that gets me the most is how realistic it all is. Nothing goes perfectly. In fact, everything seems to go wrong. Worlds come crashing down and lives are ruined, torn apart, lost. And it's not necessarily a happy ending...

But in life there are no guarantees.

Kudos, Margaret. Gone With the Wind had me crying, screaming, laughing... Everything. Every emotion that life holds seems to be in that book... Love it. Love it love it love it!

Masks

Every morning, the same routine.

Wake up and prepare for the day. Prepare for the act that is life. Every minute is spent rehearsing lines and putting on heavy amounts of makeup. Every minute is another minute closer to another performance. She must get into character so well that she can't possibly break that character while on stage.

But truth is, once she steps off that stage, once the lights stop shining and she goes home... She can break character. And she does. Once nobody is around to see her fall, everything comes off. The mask slips down and unveils the real person behind the character. The living flesh-and-blood behind it all... The emotions that are kept on the surface in order to act, stay on the surface at home. And flood the surface, spilling down on pillows and blankets as she cries herself to sleep...

Because honestly, she's a terrible liar. But a phenomenal actress.

California

Right about now I really want to move out to California. Or anywhere, really. Just somewhere far away. Which is part of the reason I'm excited for college- I can leave Cambridge behind and my life there.

I just really feel like starting anew... I want to just get away and start over. Become a new person- make new friends, create a new life, do what I want to do, just be. I'm tired of life here and all the drama and hurt and pain... I know I'll find that wherever I go, but I can at least try. At least for a little while things can be different, a little less hurtful.

I don't know why, but sometimes I just really feel like leaving. Running out on everyone and cutting all ties from home. Just... Disappearing from my life here in Minnesota. Move somewhere new and start my life over.

Maybe one day I can do that... Hopefully one day soon.