Speaking Now

Usually people are told they need to keep their mouth shut, not to speak out in a fit of anger.

Lately, I think I am coming to realize that with the girl I am, I need to learn to do some of the opposite.

"Real life is a funny thing, you know. In real life, saying the right thing at the right moment is beyond crucial. So crucial, in fact, that most of us start to hesitate for fear of saying the wrong thing at the wrong time. But lately what I've begun to fear more than that is letting the moment pass without saying anything ... There is a time for silence. There is a time for waiting your turn. But if you know how you feel and you so clearly know what you need to say, you'll know it. I don't think you should wait. I think you should speak now." (Taylor Swift)

I am the kind of girl that holds in her feelings so that I won't hurt someone else's. I don't often say what I should say, I don't often say how I am truly feeling, when I am hurt or angry. I say I am okay, that I am at fault, that I'm sorry, etc. instead of telling the other person what needs to be said. Which in the end, results in a lot of regret. I look back and wish I could tell someone so many things. I wish they knew so many things. I wish I had spoken up instead of holding back. I think that I need to learn to Speak Now.

It's funny how everyone keeps commenting on how happy I've been lately. Over and over, people keep telling me this...

And I don't know if I'm happy. But I am so full of joy... Straight from God.

I Feel Pretty/Unpretty

Not usually a huge fan of glee songs. But this one... I just love it :)

Glorious

Life is glorious. Each and every day has some element of beauty, grace, love, amazement, glory to it. Sometimes it's not easy to see-- in fact, most times the extraordinary are hiding where nobody is looking. Maybe that's what makes them so extraordinary-- that those who find them had to be seeking them out. Regardless, life is a beautiful thing. The world is a beautiful place. Just ask the Creator. He's hidden elegance throughout every day, sprinkled magic into the world, and now just waits expectantly, hoping that we'll find it. Hoping that we'll look.

So learn to look. Learn to find the moment or the words or the sight that brings sunshine into the cloudiness of everyday life. Otherwise, it's much too easy to get caught up in the frustrations and the hardships and the ordinariness and the mundaneness of this world.

So learn to look. Then never let those things go. This is the world, this is God's masterpiece, don't take it for granted! Learn to love it. I did. Paradoxically, it took me feeling like I had lost everything in the world in order to learn to live like this. But maybe that's what it takes. Maybe it takes the crashing of a wave to bring the most perfect seashell to view. Maybe it takes the hardest storm to bring about that glowing double rainbow. For me, it took pain to learn what joy is.

Grasp the magic of everyday. Hold on and never, ever let it go. Keep it close to your heart, bottle it up and store it in your soul.

Every day is different. Some days are hard, other days are harder. Each day, each moment, is one closer to the day I'm waiting for. Lately, it's been a storm. Day after day I'm waiting out the storm.

Day by day, I'm learning to dance in the rain.

Happiness is a choice.

"Nobody said it'd be easy... But no one ever said it would be this hard." (Coldplay)

Life can be hard. It's full of heartbreak and sadness and disappointment. But when those things happen, you can choose to let it get the best of you and overtake you or you can choose to let God take control. One thing I've learned lately is that happiness is a choice.

God has done great things in my life the past few days, when I was at my absolute worst. He took control and He totally worked a miracle within me!

When I was at my absolute saddest, this song came on the radio. I cried out to God every word, with all that was in me, and He came through. Right now, God is holding my heart. God is protecting me from the pain and the hurt and the regret. If He wasn't, I would be utterly despondent.

P.S. I've also learned that God is never going to let me go... That He never has let me go. This song made me realize that... Let me tell you, it had me in tears. God is so good :)

Love...

Love is patient,

love is kind.

It does not envy,

it does not boast,

it is not proud.

It is not rude,

it is not self-seeking,

it is not easily angered,

it keeps no record of wrongs.

Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth.

It always protects,

always trusts,

always hopes,

always perseveres.

Love never fails.

Love never gives up.

Love cares more for others than for self.

Love doesn't want what it doesn't have.

Love doesn't strut,

Doesn't have a swelled head,

Doesn't force itself on others,

Isn't always "me first,"

Doesn't fly off the handle,

Doesn't keep score of the sins of others,

Doesn't revel when others grovel,

Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,

Puts up with anything,

Trusts God always,

Always looks for the best,

Never looks back,

But keeps going to the end.

Love never dies. Inspired speech will be over some day; praying in tongues will end; understanding will reach its limit.

(The Message)