...and the irony of it all is that the person who wants the most to be loved and have friends ends up alone.

Gone With the Wind

Gone With the Wind: probably my new favorite book.

Margaret Mitchell is a phenomenal author! At least, she crafted this particular book amazingly.

Each of the 900-some pages held charm and magic... All the characters seemed so real! They were all so well-developed and held such realistic qualities... They all had flaws their flaws. Except, seemingly, for Melanie. Oh wonderful Melanie... How amazing she was! She is my new hero. I wish I could be more like her... But I've already blogged about that.

The thing that gets me the most is how realistic it all is. Nothing goes perfectly. In fact, everything seems to go wrong. Worlds come crashing down and lives are ruined, torn apart, lost. And it's not necessarily a happy ending...

But in life there are no guarantees.

Kudos, Margaret. Gone With the Wind had me crying, screaming, laughing... Everything. Every emotion that life holds seems to be in that book... Love it. Love it love it love it!

Masks

Every morning, the same routine.

Wake up and prepare for the day. Prepare for the act that is life. Every minute is spent rehearsing lines and putting on heavy amounts of makeup. Every minute is another minute closer to another performance. She must get into character so well that she can't possibly break that character while on stage.

But truth is, once she steps off that stage, once the lights stop shining and she goes home... She can break character. And she does. Once nobody is around to see her fall, everything comes off. The mask slips down and unveils the real person behind the character. The living flesh-and-blood behind it all... The emotions that are kept on the surface in order to act, stay on the surface at home. And flood the surface, spilling down on pillows and blankets as she cries herself to sleep...

Because honestly, she's a terrible liar. But a phenomenal actress.

California

Right about now I really want to move out to California. Or anywhere, really. Just somewhere far away. Which is part of the reason I'm excited for college- I can leave Cambridge behind and my life there.

I just really feel like starting anew... I want to just get away and start over. Become a new person- make new friends, create a new life, do what I want to do, just be. I'm tired of life here and all the drama and hurt and pain... I know I'll find that wherever I go, but I can at least try. At least for a little while things can be different, a little less hurtful.

I don't know why, but sometimes I just really feel like leaving. Running out on everyone and cutting all ties from home. Just... Disappearing from my life here in Minnesota. Move somewhere new and start my life over.

Maybe one day I can do that... Hopefully one day soon.