EuroQuest

Today in chapel at school we had some new speakers come talk to us... And I was completely moved.

They were talking about a missions trip organization called (I think) Royal Ministries. (Here's a link for you: http://www.reignministries.org/royal-servants check it out!) They just pretty much talked about what they were doing, the places they went, etc... Just basic information. The entire time I would randomly hear "go" repeated in my mind.

Now, add to that this:

Last week was spiritual emphasis week at school and I heard a lot about being brave... The seniors said that's what God told them to say about me and I heard it myself. To be brave and step out of what I find comfortable to do what God wants...

Exactly what they were talking about.

So, I was pretty much wowed. I'm pretty sure God's calling me to do this and I'm amazed! And terrified! My main hesitation is that I'll be with a bunch of strangers who could very well have along their own friends. What if I'm rejected or don't really find anyone to hang out with? I don't want to be alone.

But I still feel like I should go. It would be stepping out of my comfort zone BIG TIME and I'd probably be scared to death, but if it's what God wants me to do...

Which brings me to another point. While I was sitting here thinking about it, I got a little panicked. I realized I'd be gone for (I think) 6.5 weeks. 48 days I believe. That's wayyyyyy longer than the week I've been gone for camp or mission's trips, which is with people I know and love! To be gone like 7 times as long with a bunch of people I've never seen before? SCARY! So I was thinking about all that and freaking out, thinking about how I'd be so far from home for so long and worrying that I'd get homesick, etc... And I heard God say something along the lines of "Home is with Me. Home is in your heart." WOW!

So... I'm definitely going to bring this up with my parents. And do a ton of praying and thinking and probably worrying. If I could go, that'd be so amazing! 48 days in several countries across Europe, including Paris (where I've always wanted to go)?? As well as (I believe) going to Auschwitz, where I've also always wanted to go?? (Not sure if they're going there, but it said in the brochure something about doing that on a previous trip, so maybe...)

Unbelievable.

Wow, God.

I just really needed to say that again.

Lord, I really am completely amazed by you... I want to soak in this forever.

2010 years ago, Jesus changed the world. Turns out, he's still doing it to this day. And I feel it.

Spiritual Emphasis Week.

WOW. That's about all I have to say.

God has really been working through people this week... Everyone. I feel like almost everyone has had something to say or has heard God speak to them and it's been really neat. I know He's talked to me a lot this week and it has been truly amazing. I can't wait to see what God has in store. I really hope that some people are just completely changed by this week.

Some things I've heard spoken to me... Either that I've heard myself or that other people have told me.

-To talk to someone.

-To be brave for Him.

-I am beautiful.

-I am intelligent.

-I am HIS.

-I am a lovely lover.

-Something with nature... I have yet to discover what, and am very excited to do so.

It has been so crazy-good for me. I can't wait for the retreat thing next week and I hope there will be even more crazy-great God times with Him moving in people and (hopefully!) in me. I feel like this week my love for people and helping them has really been strengthened.

Again, wow. This week has just been... Wow.

Connected.

So there's this guy. A guy I just so happened to like for eight years (no longer, though... I've liked two other guys since him and those few are the only ones so far)... Anyway, that's not what's important.

I don't know what it is... But I feel like my heart is still linked with his. Not in a romantic way, I don't feel like that towards him anymore. But in some other sort of way. I don't know. I mean, it's kind of really hard to explain. But I was thinking about it during church tonight... I looked at him and just felt grieved. Over the fact that we're no longer friends, we no longer talk, that I miss being his friend. I don't know. He could make such a huge difference if he put his mind to it, I know it. He has so much potential stored within him. And maybe that's why my heart cries out to him.

I've tried to connect with him again, but he doesn't seem too interested. And I don't see him much, just on Sundays and Wednesdays if we both happen to be there.

I can't put my finger on it yet, but... I still feel like something might happen between us. Maybe our friendship will be rekindled, maybe God has a plan, maybe maybe maybe. I hope. For now, I'll be in the dark and confused, with my heart crying over him.

Dream

Last night.... I had this totally amazing dream. I was getting married. Literally, right in the process of it.
I was walking down the aisle... Towards this wonderful man... Surprisingly, if I remember correctly he was the tall dark and handsome type; I've never really pictured myself with that kind of guy. Hey, not complaining though ;) Anyway. And we were in a castle, with nobody else. I'm not sure if there was literally nobody there, or if love just had me blinded to everyone but him... Either way, we were completely alone.
And my wedding dress! Oh my word! It was GORGEOUS. Plain white, no adornments at all... A long train... Sort of pulled across the front (I like to use the word fooshed)... In the back it plunged down and the opening had straps that pulled across, sort of like shoelaces in a shoe... Strapless... And so beautiful. I actually looked gorgeous in it (I never look gorgeous!)!
And let me tell you, I was positively BEAMING. It literally looked like I was subtly glowing with light... I was that happy.
That dream made me so happy... I can't wait for when that day comes.

What God gave me is just fine.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mq86e4Fhja0&feature=channel

AMAZING song. Love it.

And so true... Which is exactly why I love it so much. Working on getting that message pounded into my head.... :)